Johnny Depp's Aspirations

Johnny says that he wants to grow into a man with a beer belly! Oh sigh...... How hot can that man be?? He's so "abnormally normal"! People are trying to avoid the pot belly, but he actually wants it?!

Sigh... I guess celebrities can be anything they want and is still loved.

Coz I like him even more after he said that. Hehe....

Ooh! Honk! If You're Malaysian is such a lovely book! Haha! I could relate to the stories so much (maybe because I'm a typical M'sian) and can even see myself in some of the situations she's written about! Haha! I'm definitely M'sian :p

Cheers!
p/s: I hate PMS..

Sucky day

Office politic SUCKS. Period.
And colleagues with super big egos suck all the same. Period.
Can't we all just give and take? The world will be a nicer place to live in! Heck, even I will go the extra mile to help someone like that. So why remember past grudges and keep bringing them up?
What a sucky day.

Sudirman Cup: M'sia VS China

I never knew watching a badminton match would provide me with a barrel of laughs. So when I tuned in yesterday night to watch M'sia and China play off in the semi-finals, I laughed so hard, my intestines probably had herniated without me noticing. That hilarious??

Indeed!

First game was mixed doubles, which sucked to the core. Nothing worth mentioning here, so I'll skip to the next game. Lin Dan vs Lee Chong Wei. Woo-hoo! Kick-ass baby, or so I thought. Well, I was hoping our beloved Datuk will kick some ass here. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the other way around. But, it was quite an interesting fight, had not RTM 1 decided to stop the game for the news!!!! DAMN!!! What were they thinking! National pride on the line here, dudes!! Man... So I caught only the first few points from the 1st game, before being RUDELY cut off, and continued again with the second game, in full action. Sigh.......

Oh well... RTM better use some sense next time. Anyway, Datuk Lee still had it in him and at least managed to make Lin Dan run for his money. But I loved watching Lin Dan in action. Boy can he jump! Did China make their players eat jumping beans or sumthin??? And his smashes lived up to their name. Smashing indeed! I would probably have rolled on the floor, broke a toenail, and twisted my neck trying to pick his shots! But no. Datuk Lee flew all around the court, returning every shot (most anyway) and even fell flat and jumping up the next second running around again defending his court! Hats up indeed to him for doing his very best. *filled with national pride suddenly*

But the highlight was the 3rd match!! I don't know whether it was a good game or not, but to me it was!!! This match had me laughing my guts out and holding on to my head (of all the time to get a headache...). Koo Kien Keat/Tan Boon Heong vs Fu Hai Feng/andsomeChineseboyIDon'tevenknowthename-butstilllookshot-damn!

LOL..

The M'sian pair delivered a game the way only M'sians could, which included some colourful hand signs and some butt-smacking. Phewit!

Well, the M'sian pair started the ball rolling. They quickly caught some points and I thought "A-HA! Finally! Redemption time!" (Obviously, I should not have judged so early..) when the China pair suddenly halted the game and complained of "wind" in their court. And so I was pissed, because they suddenly tried an entire box of shuttlecocks - for reasons not made known to me - and made some unheard comments which, by then made me super pissed because they were such BIG BABIES!!!

So fine, the game started again. And so did the laughing. Koo Kien Keat started to scream everytime he did a jumping smash (I named it so... ^_^). And it was so hilarious! I mean, he had to jump so many times and he screamed every time! LOL! I was so amazed at his vocal prowess! He should play a game with Anna Kournikova. Or wait, was it the other lady?? Whatever. The female player who would scream every time she delivered a shot?? Yeah, that one. And we will have one hell of a shouting match!

And there was once when, I think, Koo KK did a mistake, and flashed his middle finger to his badminton racket! LOL!! And the camera decided to show it, zoomed in and in slow motion! That was priceless dude. Totally..

Another laugh-out-loud moment was when one of the M'sian players (I forgot who), smashed the shuttle right into his friend's ass! LMAO!!! My oh my! And his partner turned around and sort of stared daggers at him, and I totally lost it. Well, obviously the camera decided to repeat that scene again and in slow motion too. Well.......

But we lost anyway in the end. Malaysia 0, China 3. Other than the first match, the other 2 were pretty much good games. Oh well, let's hope there will be one day where M'sia will kick China's ass for good. Until that day, I'll continue to gawk at Lin Dan's biceps and Fu Hai Feng's ass. Damn!

p/s: I forgot that I watched the match with my dad, who provided plenty of "colourful and amazing" narrations. Which would have explained my cackling.. I mean.. laughing...
Good day!!

Happy!

Lala! I'm super happy now coz I've managed to write a nice fanfic! Well, I like what I wrote, so there! :p

I used to love writing, but after school, I just didn't have any inspiration to write. Now that I have some "characters" in my mind, I get to let my imagination run wild and make my characters do silly things again! Wahaha! I'm crazy, am I not?

Oh! I decided to register on twitter and see what's all the hype about twittering. Did that, and I still think Facebook is better. Well, there are plenty of things to do on FB.... And I'm following NajibRazak.. Haha! It's kinda cute to know what the prime minister is doing, don't you think so? I feel important... heh!

Cheers!!

Eilyn and Shirls are coming back this year!!! Yay yay yay!!! I can't wait to see my friends again!!

Heartbeat

Title: Heartbeat
Rating: G
Pairings: Tomapi (as usual from me ^_^)
Summary: Toma and Pi involved in an accident...
Disclaimer: Purely fiction. Toma and Pi does not belong to me unfortunately.. =.=


A well dressed man sat before the white-washed marble slab, silent and unmoving. But he wasn't sad, as how most people were when paying their last respects to their beloved one. He wore a smile on his face and his eyes only on the picture on the marble plaque. His thoughts transported back to his past where happier times reigned.

A pang of joy suddenly gripped his chest, and the young man broke into a bigger smile. He clutched his chest, and felt his heart beating.

*************************************************

(15 months ago)..

It all happened in the blink of an eye....

It was all in the headlines. The accident that Yamashita Tomohisa and Ikuta Toma, two of Johnny's talents, were involved in. The car they were traveling in had crashed into the divider and somehow flew to the opposite side of the road. Luckily there were no oncoming vehicles that night. But the damage had already been done. Although there were no eyewitnesses, but officers said that it was most likely that the car had skidded before crashing into the divider. The site of the wreckage was not pretty. The automobile was mangled and shattered glass was everywhere. Dried up blood stained the tarred road and brought looks of horror to those who saw it.

Both men had been found on scene by a pickup trucker around 4 in the morning. They were rushed to the nearest hospital, and by morning, all of Japan had found out about the news. For a while, the whole of Japan fell into silence. This had been the worst accident to date, where celebrities were involved. Hospital officers later released information that both men were in serious condition and every effort possible was being taken to save the two lives.

Almost all of Johnny's talents were at the hospital. All grim and silent while awaiting the latest condition of their friends. Faces ashen, they sat in groups. Hardly anyone made conversation. The most silent of all had to be the group sitting in the middle. NEWS, minus their leader. Koyama's face was in his hands, Nishikido Ryo was gripping both Kei and Massu so tightly. Tegoshi was huddled together with Shige, who looked like he was going to throw up. Nobody knew what to say or what to do. Only by lunchtime did Johnny Kitagawa himself send message and directed all to go back to work. No one could help in any way and doctors were frustrated by the crowd.

The remaining NEWS members were allowed to stay on with Toma's family and Yamashita's mother. All giving support and prayers in times like these..

*************************************************

Yamapi felt strangely light and dizzy. Everything was shrouded in a mist. His head felt so heavy and groggy and try as he wanted to, he could not open his eyes. He could hear weird beeping sounds and snatches of conversation around him, but he didn’t recognize those voices. He thought he heard his name called, but unconsciousness was beckoning again. He gave up fighting and slipped back into his dreams.

He saw a younger version of himself sulking in the corner, eyes downcast and feet kicking against the floor. He tried to recall when this was when out of the corner came Toma. Younger Toma with hair so black. The older boy walked up to his young self and looked at him for a while. Young Yamapi looked defiantly at the older one and wanted to stomp off. But Toma caught Pi in time and said something. Then he saw his younger self shouting and the two boys started fighting again.

He remembered now. Toma had lied to him and Pi had found out from Kamenashi. He was furious back then, but Toma had made up to him later. He had made Toma promise not to lie anymore, especially not to him.

“I never did lie again Pi…” a voice whispered in his heart.

His heart gave a small flutter and ached. Yamapi drifted of into the dark again…

************************************************

“You’ll have to decide quickly. Time isn’t on our side anymore.” The doctor gravely explained.

Toma’s mother broke down and cried. She can’t and could not do this. How can they make a decision like this? They did not even know how the accident happened, and now this?! It’s unfair! How can God expect them to decide in matters like this? Her heart broke again. Only tears poured out her grief.

************************************************

Her soft hands caressed the fragile handsome face now almost unrecognizable with tubes and bandages on it. His lean body now lay on the bed, lines running in and catheters draining out fluids from the body. Wires attached to his body and connected to a monitor, were the only means to know whether he was alive. Occasionally, the monitor will emit a beep.

Toma’s mother sat beside him not knowing what to do for her son. She felt helpless and angry at herself. His father, who could not bear to look at his son like this, was sitting outside the room, puffing on his 14th cigarette. Ryusei was standing in the corner, fists clenched, breathing shallow. All not knowing what to do.

Many tears have been shed, and yet sorrow and fear clutched at their hearts. Visitors and friends have came and all left with a heavy heart. Words of consolation trailed off every visitor, and yet none were convincing enough.

“Ikuta-san now has to rely on this ventilator to breathe for him as he cannot breathe on his own. The accident had caused extensive damage to his brain, crushing the left side of his skull, hence causing injuries and bleeding in the brain. Although the surgery had removed much of the clots and stopped the bleeding, but there is no guarantee that he will come out of this the same again. His right kidney also had to be removed because it was ruptured. The accident also claimed a third of his liver.” The chief surgeon had explained it all, and left with a note for them to pray. All that could be done was now done. His life now depends to the Almighty One above.

*************************************************

Somewhere deep inside, something stirred. He must wake up! It’s the only thing he can do. Although unconscious, he had heard what the doctor said. He heard a name being mentioned. He must wake up to that name. For that name..

Somehow, almost like an eternity, he found a pair of hands. He clung on to it. A gasp and a loud yell went through the room. Frantic calls for the doctor and yelling continues. He still held on to the hand.

Not much energy left, must hold on…..

And to his surprise, he found his voice. Soft, but determined. Too soft.

"Take…. it..” he whispers. A face came close, tears falling. The hand grabbed his.

A long pause.

“Let.. him have…it.” Another sentence.

He grips the hand tighter and this time musters all his strength.

“Onegai…shimazu…….. plea..se do….it f-for..me…. It..has always belonged…belonged to him……”

He lapsed back into the calming peace that coaxed him in.

************************************************

The morning sun shone bright and cheerfully through the blinds. Warm and strong light filtered into the room coming to rest on the thin body lying on the hospital bed. An eye opened.

Itai….

His eyes hurt after almost a month of not being used to light. He squeezed them shut again. A while later, he opened his eyes slowly and after a minute, his eyes refocused and things came into view. Paper cranes were dangling in the room and he could smell the scent of flowers. Freshly plucked flowers.

Yamashita Tomohisa turned his head to the side and his joints creaked. A shooting pain shot through his neck muscles and he grits his teeth tightly, swallowing the pain. He tried to push himself up from the bed only to have more pain shooting away in his whole body, like hundreds of needles going through him at once.

The pain blinded him and he slumped back onto the bed. He could hardly feel his legs and his body tingled with every new movement. He tried to yell, but nothing came out. His throat felt sore. After repeated tries, he managed to claim his voice back. He hated this. Whatever condition that he was stuck in, he loathed it…

At that moment, two nurses walked in the room, chatting away, not noticing that their long unconscious patient was awake. Suddenly, one nurse gasped and elbowed her friend. Her friend followed her gaze, shrieked and immediately ran out of the room.

Three hours later, after multiple assessments by doctors, a steady stream of visitors kept flowing into the room. His NEWS members were the first to arrive and Koyama kept kissing his face, leaving Yamapi very disgruntled. His mother laughed at their antics and kept wiping tears of joy away. Thank the heavens she said in her heart. Jin came to visit him with a big pack of udon and had wanted to feed him there and then. Had the nurse not confiscated the entire packet, Yamapi would have died a second time again.

That afternoon, many fans across the country and world rejoiced and breathed a sigh of relieve. Their golden boy was finally awake after a month of being in coma. Newspapers covered the news and it seemed like the world was smiling again.

Yet, Yamapi felt a small void in his heart. In the midst of the commotion, he suddenly remembered.

Where was Toma?

*************************************************

5 months later

Yamapi absentmindedly caressed the long scar on his chest while reading the newspaper. He was ready to go home today. The company had promised to fetch him by noon, and so he had the whole morning to himself. After breakfast, he went to the garden outside and sat on his favourite bench. He smiled at the nurses and some familiar faces.

He placed a hand over his heart, and closed his eyes. He could sense the heart beating gently against his own ribcage. A smile crept over his face as he leaned back against the bench.

Toma, we never will part again, will we?

For the first month, Yamashita had kept on crying. His heart ached so badly that he wanted to rip it out. Only thing was, he can’t. He hated Toma for making his own decisions. He hated Toma for lying. Toma knew how Yamapi hated lies, and yet, of all people, Toma had lied to him.

Why… He kept asking.

You said you’d never leave me. You promised me that! You said you’ll accompany me for the rest of my life, YOU said it yourself!! Damn you, Ikuta. Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

And again a whole dam of pain will reopen and burst forth from his heart. The tears just won’t stop. He yelled and yelled till he was tired and hoarse. He was hysterical. His friends and most importantly, his mother, was worried that he would collapse. He refused to eat, he refused to go for rehabilitation, and he even refused his medication. Friends and family were at a lost. They had tried to break the news as gently as they could.

In the end, Toma’s mother was the one who told him. She had wanted to tell Yamapi herself. That was what Toma would have wanted.

“Tomo-chan, please calm down,” she had said.
“Toma could not make it through. He had fought hard and long, but in the end, the battle was too much.” Her voice broke and tears fell again.

“But even in the end, at the end of it all, Toma chose to give his life to you. His heart…to you.”
Toma’s mother had cried together with him.

“Toma said that his heart had belonged to you all the while. It was always yours, and so… he wants to return it to you.”

“Yamashita, please take good care of Toma. I leave him with you now,” she had said. They both hugged and Yamapi had never felt so much pain in his life ever.

His own heart was failing him back then. He needed a heart transplant urgently, but there wasn’t any for him. Toma on the other hand had a healthy heart, but was no longer with them. There was nothing the doctors could do to bring him back again. The brain injury was too much. He can never come back again.

And so, with Toma’s parents’ consent, they had Toma removed from all life support. And his heart was given to Yamapi.

*************************************************
A bird moved Yamapi out of his reverie. He looked up again into the photograph of Toma.

“You haven’t left me at all, have you Toma?” Yamashita smiles and continues talking to his friend.
“Hey, I’m really sorry for cursing you back then. You know… when I damned you for leaving me?...”
“Ha-ha… well, you haven’t left me at all, ne Toma?”
“Nothing will ever separate us again. This I know.”

A while later, Yamapi got up and bade farewell. And he heard a voice in him say,

“I never lied Pi, I never did lie again, did I?”

Love Unconditionally

Can you love someone unconditionally? Can you pour out love to someone and not expect to have it returned? They say that true love is when you love that someone and will not expect them to return you your love.

One quote that's sent through the mail is saying that "never make someone top priority in your life when you are only a choice to them".

Frankly speaking, I think we are just humans. It feels silly to love someone who will never love you back. But then again, love is just that. Love never expects any answer. Perhaps all those sappy romantic movies we've watched told us that it is only worthwhile to love if someone loves you back too.

I am no genius on love. However, did go to church a few weeks back when someone spoke on the subject of love. He said that love hurts. It always will. If you love someone, somehow you'll get hurt. And if you want to love someone, make sure you love unconditionally. Like how God loves us, or like how a mom loves her child.

Something kinda struck me at how love can hurt you. A mom who loves her child. Mothers love their children even if their child won't love them back. Ouch... Perhaps it has never crossed my mind (to think about hurting those who love us), but saying it out loud makes it so much painful. Can you ever love someone without receiving it back in return?

Have you ever loved a friend, only to have it all pushed away, and yet continue being friends with them? Have you ever loved someone and not having your feelings noticed by the other? Have you ever hurt someone who loves you and to find them there for you again?

In the end we are all human beings again. We get drawn to love like moths to the fire (or like those silly bugs to my fluorescent light...) and even if we get burnt, we come back for more. Indeed love makes the world goes round. Perhaps it is inevitable that once we love, hurt is around the corner.

Perhaps loving someone unconditionally is not so difficult after all. You just don't put any expectations on them to love you back (hence blocking most of the pain - if love isn't reciprocated because you never expect it to return anyway) and be grateful that you are given a chance to show care and love to that someone.

Be grateful for being given a chance to love. Indeed.