Letters

Title: Letters
Pairings: Ryopi/Toma
Rating: G
Note: I was feeling sad that Ryopi had more pics than Tomapi (or so it seemed to me) and hence wrote this. The song Insa(Greeting) by DBSK from the OST for Millionaire's First Love contributed to the sad atmosphere. 2nd fic of mine, so I hope I have improved, if not slightly. Happy reading!


How can it possibly hurt so much inside...

Yamashita,
How many years have passed between us, from the first time we met up till now that we are adults? I used to think that we’ll always grow up together, sing songs together, and walk down this journey through life with each other. How silly it was for me to think that you’ll always be by my side. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be.

Perhaps I can only blame fate that we are now apart and distanced. I never knew nor expected to fall for you. Remember us going on the roller-coaster ride together? When we were 13? You gripped my hand so hard, I thought it was going to break (laughs). Funny thing was, I think I fell for you then. You were so young, small and naïve. I wanted to protect you then. To be strong for you.

You left. You could not help it, I know. I understand. The pain of it is carved into my heart. You left me when we were young, and now you will once again leave me. My heart will bleed once more, and I don’t know how long it will take to heal. Perhaps, it never will. Strangely, I don’t want it to. This pain I will carry it with me, for I can’t bear to forget you, nor can I bear to push you out of my heart.

I’m not angry with you, nor am I angry with Ryo. How silly it is that I could not see the bond you shared with him. How silly it was that I kept denying what I saw. Truth is, I was jealous. I guess this is me. Selfish me that wanted you only for myself. Wanted you to stay with me.

This is my first and last letter to you. I don’t think I’ll write again. I’m sorry for the muddled contents. My mind is angry, confused, hurt and I think my heart is speaking louder than my head. I just wanted to wish you and Ryo all the best and I know you’ll always be cherished and loved. I’m sorry for not having more dear memories to take away with me. I’m sorry to have been selfish. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry I can’t share your happiness. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can ever live without you.

Toma

(Toma was found struggling for his life in his apartment after inhaling too much gas. He died peacefully 2 days after hospitalization.)