Evidence-Based Practice

Evidence based practice. You mean nursing is only starting to use EBP recently???! Ehhhh???! when the rest of the world are already ages ahead of us???! I thought I had heard of this term some time ago... Man...

I'm so uninspired to write anything that's of worth these days. So I decided to jot down whatever I learnt from my conference here. Did you know that medication errors killed like 7000 people in the US alone??? That's like, super freaky and scary!!!! OMG!! I found out about the Dennis Quaid incident only today. His twins were given Heparin 10 times the normal dose!!! That's so so so so scary!! You know? ALl these incidences only makes me all the more wary when dishing out medication. It's scary to be a nurse!!!

But in this conference, I like it when they actually said that it's the system's fault when an error occurs. Do you know that filling in the incident report form (for medication error) is like a death sentence for me??? I feel so scared. But yesterday, they talked about consoling the poor nurse who has done a mistake. And suddenly? I feel as though someone understands! Do you know how it must have been like for the poor nurse who gave the Quaid twins that dose of Heparin?? She must have been stumped and shocked! I certainly would have been too numb to work, heck I would have resigned or something!!!

Anyway, Evidence-Based Practice. LOL! Sorry for being super random today. I'm like flying of the shelves! I wonder which hospital in Malaysia will be the pioneer in this field. Nice isn't it if Adventist starts it? But there are too many projects running concurrently this year. And EBP need lots of research and evidence appraisal before a new guideline can be published. And looking for worthy evidence itself is going to be hard. Imagine appraising every piece of research paper for it's grading and looking through the methodology!!! Yuck!!

But I think if a team is doing this, and everyone is passionate about it? It is quite an enjoyable thing! I find it quite appealing ^_^ Oops! need to have dinner now. JCI's coming next year! I'm on the infection control panel (I think) and let's hope I can learn more new things and improve patient care!!

Cheers darls!!

A Tribute to Mr. Hairdresser

Yosh! Went to the hair salon after some many long months of neglect and abuse towards my hair! Hehe.. I think the last time I cut my hair was before my birthday last year, which makes it almost a year till now, seeing that my birthday is coming soon (hint hint.. :p). Anyway, it wasn't a drastic cut, the same concept but not so layered anymore. He even temporarily straightened it for me! Uwaaa!! I kinda reminisced about my straightened hair for a while, but then naturally wavy hair is just as good ^_^

And I found out (after such a long period of not catching up with the hairdresser friend) that he got a job offer in Belgium!!!! OMG!! Freaking OMG! I'm super happy for him, but still sad that he'll be leaving. It's not for another three months, but still, he is a nice friend and I loved his work (not always, but mostly). His attitude towards hair is impeccable! He treats each customer's hair lovingly and doesn't do a half-past-six job ^_^ Sigh.. I hope to find another person with so much love for his craft as this man does.

Anyway, after a tiring day, it is super nice to sit down on the chair and get tender loving care. Every stroke and tweak on my scalp was sheer bliss, right up till I got my hair washed, scalp massaged, blown dry and straightened. Therapeutic isn't it?? I think I felt a headache forming somewhere back in my brain, but after the wonderful session, it disappeared! Lovely!

Oh well, will enjoy my straight hair for a few hours more, then it's back to work. Hope everyone has a wonderful day as well!! Go check in to a salon for some tender loving care too! And I hope my dear friend will settle down well in Belgium and not munch too much on chocolates :p

Ganbatte kudasai!!!! ^____^

The past

It is true that the past indeed catches up with you. Someone with whom I had a falling out years ago is now admitted in my ward. I felt so scared and anxious when I saw her face this morning. "How do I nurse her?" "Has she forgiven me?" "Will she be mad at me and scream that she doesn't want to be in this ward any longer?" 'What do I do? I can't ignore her forever.. She's admitted here for goodness sake!"

These questions ran through my mind. My heart pumped like there was no tomorrow whenever I stepped into the room. At first I pretended that I didn't see her, but I knew that this can't go on forever. My heart tells me to act professional, but I can't. I felt weird. But to see her in her current condition somewhat broke my heart. Yet I was to scared to approach her.

Sigh... I'm so worried, but I know I can't change anything. Unless I open my mouth of course. And yet, the fear of making her even more miserable overwhelms me. I can't really think right now. I'm such an ass. Really I am.

Johnny Depp's Aspirations

Johnny says that he wants to grow into a man with a beer belly! Oh sigh...... How hot can that man be?? He's so "abnormally normal"! People are trying to avoid the pot belly, but he actually wants it?!

Sigh... I guess celebrities can be anything they want and is still loved.

Coz I like him even more after he said that. Hehe....

Ooh! Honk! If You're Malaysian is such a lovely book! Haha! I could relate to the stories so much (maybe because I'm a typical M'sian) and can even see myself in some of the situations she's written about! Haha! I'm definitely M'sian :p

Cheers!
p/s: I hate PMS..

Sucky day

Office politic SUCKS. Period.
And colleagues with super big egos suck all the same. Period.
Can't we all just give and take? The world will be a nicer place to live in! Heck, even I will go the extra mile to help someone like that. So why remember past grudges and keep bringing them up?
What a sucky day.

Sudirman Cup: M'sia VS China

I never knew watching a badminton match would provide me with a barrel of laughs. So when I tuned in yesterday night to watch M'sia and China play off in the semi-finals, I laughed so hard, my intestines probably had herniated without me noticing. That hilarious??

Indeed!

First game was mixed doubles, which sucked to the core. Nothing worth mentioning here, so I'll skip to the next game. Lin Dan vs Lee Chong Wei. Woo-hoo! Kick-ass baby, or so I thought. Well, I was hoping our beloved Datuk will kick some ass here. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the other way around. But, it was quite an interesting fight, had not RTM 1 decided to stop the game for the news!!!! DAMN!!! What were they thinking! National pride on the line here, dudes!! Man... So I caught only the first few points from the 1st game, before being RUDELY cut off, and continued again with the second game, in full action. Sigh.......

Oh well... RTM better use some sense next time. Anyway, Datuk Lee still had it in him and at least managed to make Lin Dan run for his money. But I loved watching Lin Dan in action. Boy can he jump! Did China make their players eat jumping beans or sumthin??? And his smashes lived up to their name. Smashing indeed! I would probably have rolled on the floor, broke a toenail, and twisted my neck trying to pick his shots! But no. Datuk Lee flew all around the court, returning every shot (most anyway) and even fell flat and jumping up the next second running around again defending his court! Hats up indeed to him for doing his very best. *filled with national pride suddenly*

But the highlight was the 3rd match!! I don't know whether it was a good game or not, but to me it was!!! This match had me laughing my guts out and holding on to my head (of all the time to get a headache...). Koo Kien Keat/Tan Boon Heong vs Fu Hai Feng/andsomeChineseboyIDon'tevenknowthename-butstilllookshot-damn!

LOL..

The M'sian pair delivered a game the way only M'sians could, which included some colourful hand signs and some butt-smacking. Phewit!

Well, the M'sian pair started the ball rolling. They quickly caught some points and I thought "A-HA! Finally! Redemption time!" (Obviously, I should not have judged so early..) when the China pair suddenly halted the game and complained of "wind" in their court. And so I was pissed, because they suddenly tried an entire box of shuttlecocks - for reasons not made known to me - and made some unheard comments which, by then made me super pissed because they were such BIG BABIES!!!

So fine, the game started again. And so did the laughing. Koo Kien Keat started to scream everytime he did a jumping smash (I named it so... ^_^). And it was so hilarious! I mean, he had to jump so many times and he screamed every time! LOL! I was so amazed at his vocal prowess! He should play a game with Anna Kournikova. Or wait, was it the other lady?? Whatever. The female player who would scream every time she delivered a shot?? Yeah, that one. And we will have one hell of a shouting match!

And there was once when, I think, Koo KK did a mistake, and flashed his middle finger to his badminton racket! LOL!! And the camera decided to show it, zoomed in and in slow motion! That was priceless dude. Totally..

Another laugh-out-loud moment was when one of the M'sian players (I forgot who), smashed the shuttle right into his friend's ass! LMAO!!! My oh my! And his partner turned around and sort of stared daggers at him, and I totally lost it. Well, obviously the camera decided to repeat that scene again and in slow motion too. Well.......

But we lost anyway in the end. Malaysia 0, China 3. Other than the first match, the other 2 were pretty much good games. Oh well, let's hope there will be one day where M'sia will kick China's ass for good. Until that day, I'll continue to gawk at Lin Dan's biceps and Fu Hai Feng's ass. Damn!

p/s: I forgot that I watched the match with my dad, who provided plenty of "colourful and amazing" narrations. Which would have explained my cackling.. I mean.. laughing...
Good day!!

Happy!

Lala! I'm super happy now coz I've managed to write a nice fanfic! Well, I like what I wrote, so there! :p

I used to love writing, but after school, I just didn't have any inspiration to write. Now that I have some "characters" in my mind, I get to let my imagination run wild and make my characters do silly things again! Wahaha! I'm crazy, am I not?

Oh! I decided to register on twitter and see what's all the hype about twittering. Did that, and I still think Facebook is better. Well, there are plenty of things to do on FB.... And I'm following NajibRazak.. Haha! It's kinda cute to know what the prime minister is doing, don't you think so? I feel important... heh!

Cheers!!

Eilyn and Shirls are coming back this year!!! Yay yay yay!!! I can't wait to see my friends again!!

Heartbeat

Title: Heartbeat
Rating: G
Pairings: Tomapi (as usual from me ^_^)
Summary: Toma and Pi involved in an accident...
Disclaimer: Purely fiction. Toma and Pi does not belong to me unfortunately.. =.=


A well dressed man sat before the white-washed marble slab, silent and unmoving. But he wasn't sad, as how most people were when paying their last respects to their beloved one. He wore a smile on his face and his eyes only on the picture on the marble plaque. His thoughts transported back to his past where happier times reigned.

A pang of joy suddenly gripped his chest, and the young man broke into a bigger smile. He clutched his chest, and felt his heart beating.

*************************************************

(15 months ago)..

It all happened in the blink of an eye....

It was all in the headlines. The accident that Yamashita Tomohisa and Ikuta Toma, two of Johnny's talents, were involved in. The car they were traveling in had crashed into the divider and somehow flew to the opposite side of the road. Luckily there were no oncoming vehicles that night. But the damage had already been done. Although there were no eyewitnesses, but officers said that it was most likely that the car had skidded before crashing into the divider. The site of the wreckage was not pretty. The automobile was mangled and shattered glass was everywhere. Dried up blood stained the tarred road and brought looks of horror to those who saw it.

Both men had been found on scene by a pickup trucker around 4 in the morning. They were rushed to the nearest hospital, and by morning, all of Japan had found out about the news. For a while, the whole of Japan fell into silence. This had been the worst accident to date, where celebrities were involved. Hospital officers later released information that both men were in serious condition and every effort possible was being taken to save the two lives.

Almost all of Johnny's talents were at the hospital. All grim and silent while awaiting the latest condition of their friends. Faces ashen, they sat in groups. Hardly anyone made conversation. The most silent of all had to be the group sitting in the middle. NEWS, minus their leader. Koyama's face was in his hands, Nishikido Ryo was gripping both Kei and Massu so tightly. Tegoshi was huddled together with Shige, who looked like he was going to throw up. Nobody knew what to say or what to do. Only by lunchtime did Johnny Kitagawa himself send message and directed all to go back to work. No one could help in any way and doctors were frustrated by the crowd.

The remaining NEWS members were allowed to stay on with Toma's family and Yamashita's mother. All giving support and prayers in times like these..

*************************************************

Yamapi felt strangely light and dizzy. Everything was shrouded in a mist. His head felt so heavy and groggy and try as he wanted to, he could not open his eyes. He could hear weird beeping sounds and snatches of conversation around him, but he didn’t recognize those voices. He thought he heard his name called, but unconsciousness was beckoning again. He gave up fighting and slipped back into his dreams.

He saw a younger version of himself sulking in the corner, eyes downcast and feet kicking against the floor. He tried to recall when this was when out of the corner came Toma. Younger Toma with hair so black. The older boy walked up to his young self and looked at him for a while. Young Yamapi looked defiantly at the older one and wanted to stomp off. But Toma caught Pi in time and said something. Then he saw his younger self shouting and the two boys started fighting again.

He remembered now. Toma had lied to him and Pi had found out from Kamenashi. He was furious back then, but Toma had made up to him later. He had made Toma promise not to lie anymore, especially not to him.

“I never did lie again Pi…” a voice whispered in his heart.

His heart gave a small flutter and ached. Yamapi drifted of into the dark again…

************************************************

“You’ll have to decide quickly. Time isn’t on our side anymore.” The doctor gravely explained.

Toma’s mother broke down and cried. She can’t and could not do this. How can they make a decision like this? They did not even know how the accident happened, and now this?! It’s unfair! How can God expect them to decide in matters like this? Her heart broke again. Only tears poured out her grief.

************************************************

Her soft hands caressed the fragile handsome face now almost unrecognizable with tubes and bandages on it. His lean body now lay on the bed, lines running in and catheters draining out fluids from the body. Wires attached to his body and connected to a monitor, were the only means to know whether he was alive. Occasionally, the monitor will emit a beep.

Toma’s mother sat beside him not knowing what to do for her son. She felt helpless and angry at herself. His father, who could not bear to look at his son like this, was sitting outside the room, puffing on his 14th cigarette. Ryusei was standing in the corner, fists clenched, breathing shallow. All not knowing what to do.

Many tears have been shed, and yet sorrow and fear clutched at their hearts. Visitors and friends have came and all left with a heavy heart. Words of consolation trailed off every visitor, and yet none were convincing enough.

“Ikuta-san now has to rely on this ventilator to breathe for him as he cannot breathe on his own. The accident had caused extensive damage to his brain, crushing the left side of his skull, hence causing injuries and bleeding in the brain. Although the surgery had removed much of the clots and stopped the bleeding, but there is no guarantee that he will come out of this the same again. His right kidney also had to be removed because it was ruptured. The accident also claimed a third of his liver.” The chief surgeon had explained it all, and left with a note for them to pray. All that could be done was now done. His life now depends to the Almighty One above.

*************************************************

Somewhere deep inside, something stirred. He must wake up! It’s the only thing he can do. Although unconscious, he had heard what the doctor said. He heard a name being mentioned. He must wake up to that name. For that name..

Somehow, almost like an eternity, he found a pair of hands. He clung on to it. A gasp and a loud yell went through the room. Frantic calls for the doctor and yelling continues. He still held on to the hand.

Not much energy left, must hold on…..

And to his surprise, he found his voice. Soft, but determined. Too soft.

"Take…. it..” he whispers. A face came close, tears falling. The hand grabbed his.

A long pause.

“Let.. him have…it.” Another sentence.

He grips the hand tighter and this time musters all his strength.

“Onegai…shimazu…….. plea..se do….it f-for..me…. It..has always belonged…belonged to him……”

He lapsed back into the calming peace that coaxed him in.

************************************************

The morning sun shone bright and cheerfully through the blinds. Warm and strong light filtered into the room coming to rest on the thin body lying on the hospital bed. An eye opened.

Itai….

His eyes hurt after almost a month of not being used to light. He squeezed them shut again. A while later, he opened his eyes slowly and after a minute, his eyes refocused and things came into view. Paper cranes were dangling in the room and he could smell the scent of flowers. Freshly plucked flowers.

Yamashita Tomohisa turned his head to the side and his joints creaked. A shooting pain shot through his neck muscles and he grits his teeth tightly, swallowing the pain. He tried to push himself up from the bed only to have more pain shooting away in his whole body, like hundreds of needles going through him at once.

The pain blinded him and he slumped back onto the bed. He could hardly feel his legs and his body tingled with every new movement. He tried to yell, but nothing came out. His throat felt sore. After repeated tries, he managed to claim his voice back. He hated this. Whatever condition that he was stuck in, he loathed it…

At that moment, two nurses walked in the room, chatting away, not noticing that their long unconscious patient was awake. Suddenly, one nurse gasped and elbowed her friend. Her friend followed her gaze, shrieked and immediately ran out of the room.

Three hours later, after multiple assessments by doctors, a steady stream of visitors kept flowing into the room. His NEWS members were the first to arrive and Koyama kept kissing his face, leaving Yamapi very disgruntled. His mother laughed at their antics and kept wiping tears of joy away. Thank the heavens she said in her heart. Jin came to visit him with a big pack of udon and had wanted to feed him there and then. Had the nurse not confiscated the entire packet, Yamapi would have died a second time again.

That afternoon, many fans across the country and world rejoiced and breathed a sigh of relieve. Their golden boy was finally awake after a month of being in coma. Newspapers covered the news and it seemed like the world was smiling again.

Yet, Yamapi felt a small void in his heart. In the midst of the commotion, he suddenly remembered.

Where was Toma?

*************************************************

5 months later

Yamapi absentmindedly caressed the long scar on his chest while reading the newspaper. He was ready to go home today. The company had promised to fetch him by noon, and so he had the whole morning to himself. After breakfast, he went to the garden outside and sat on his favourite bench. He smiled at the nurses and some familiar faces.

He placed a hand over his heart, and closed his eyes. He could sense the heart beating gently against his own ribcage. A smile crept over his face as he leaned back against the bench.

Toma, we never will part again, will we?

For the first month, Yamashita had kept on crying. His heart ached so badly that he wanted to rip it out. Only thing was, he can’t. He hated Toma for making his own decisions. He hated Toma for lying. Toma knew how Yamapi hated lies, and yet, of all people, Toma had lied to him.

Why… He kept asking.

You said you’d never leave me. You promised me that! You said you’ll accompany me for the rest of my life, YOU said it yourself!! Damn you, Ikuta. Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

And again a whole dam of pain will reopen and burst forth from his heart. The tears just won’t stop. He yelled and yelled till he was tired and hoarse. He was hysterical. His friends and most importantly, his mother, was worried that he would collapse. He refused to eat, he refused to go for rehabilitation, and he even refused his medication. Friends and family were at a lost. They had tried to break the news as gently as they could.

In the end, Toma’s mother was the one who told him. She had wanted to tell Yamapi herself. That was what Toma would have wanted.

“Tomo-chan, please calm down,” she had said.
“Toma could not make it through. He had fought hard and long, but in the end, the battle was too much.” Her voice broke and tears fell again.

“But even in the end, at the end of it all, Toma chose to give his life to you. His heart…to you.”
Toma’s mother had cried together with him.

“Toma said that his heart had belonged to you all the while. It was always yours, and so… he wants to return it to you.”

“Yamashita, please take good care of Toma. I leave him with you now,” she had said. They both hugged and Yamapi had never felt so much pain in his life ever.

His own heart was failing him back then. He needed a heart transplant urgently, but there wasn’t any for him. Toma on the other hand had a healthy heart, but was no longer with them. There was nothing the doctors could do to bring him back again. The brain injury was too much. He can never come back again.

And so, with Toma’s parents’ consent, they had Toma removed from all life support. And his heart was given to Yamapi.

*************************************************
A bird moved Yamapi out of his reverie. He looked up again into the photograph of Toma.

“You haven’t left me at all, have you Toma?” Yamashita smiles and continues talking to his friend.
“Hey, I’m really sorry for cursing you back then. You know… when I damned you for leaving me?...”
“Ha-ha… well, you haven’t left me at all, ne Toma?”
“Nothing will ever separate us again. This I know.”

A while later, Yamapi got up and bade farewell. And he heard a voice in him say,

“I never lied Pi, I never did lie again, did I?”

Love Unconditionally

Can you love someone unconditionally? Can you pour out love to someone and not expect to have it returned? They say that true love is when you love that someone and will not expect them to return you your love.

One quote that's sent through the mail is saying that "never make someone top priority in your life when you are only a choice to them".

Frankly speaking, I think we are just humans. It feels silly to love someone who will never love you back. But then again, love is just that. Love never expects any answer. Perhaps all those sappy romantic movies we've watched told us that it is only worthwhile to love if someone loves you back too.

I am no genius on love. However, did go to church a few weeks back when someone spoke on the subject of love. He said that love hurts. It always will. If you love someone, somehow you'll get hurt. And if you want to love someone, make sure you love unconditionally. Like how God loves us, or like how a mom loves her child.

Something kinda struck me at how love can hurt you. A mom who loves her child. Mothers love their children even if their child won't love them back. Ouch... Perhaps it has never crossed my mind (to think about hurting those who love us), but saying it out loud makes it so much painful. Can you ever love someone without receiving it back in return?

Have you ever loved a friend, only to have it all pushed away, and yet continue being friends with them? Have you ever loved someone and not having your feelings noticed by the other? Have you ever hurt someone who loves you and to find them there for you again?

In the end we are all human beings again. We get drawn to love like moths to the fire (or like those silly bugs to my fluorescent light...) and even if we get burnt, we come back for more. Indeed love makes the world goes round. Perhaps it is inevitable that once we love, hurt is around the corner.

Perhaps loving someone unconditionally is not so difficult after all. You just don't put any expectations on them to love you back (hence blocking most of the pain - if love isn't reciprocated because you never expect it to return anyway) and be grateful that you are given a chance to show care and love to that someone.

Be grateful for being given a chance to love. Indeed.

My Orange Angel

My orange angel walked past me today, when I least expected it! And that really made my day! Least to say I was in cloud 9 for the rest of the day. Sadly, I only saw the said angel around 10 at night.. But I think my happiness will carry on till the coming morning.

Isn't it nice to have these small small things cheer up your day? You were lest expecting it when, BAM! Suddenly your day takes a turn for the better! It's definitely nice ^_^

Cheers to all my friends, and may their day be a better day tomorrow (regardless of what timezone you people are in :p)

La la la la! La la la la la la.. ^_____^

Tired Because I Did Nothing

Yes.. I am tired because I did absolutely nothing! I can never imagine how tiring nothingness can be! I went to the Youth Wave event this morning in Balik Pulau Indoor Stadium and drove for an hour or so! And I had to wake up at 5.30am and leave by 6.20am.

When I finally got to the stadium, we sat down from 9am till 6pm, and the only things we saw were cramps, sprains, and more cramps! Who wouldn't if they had been playing ball from morning till evening?! But the worst part was sitting down and doing nothing....

I realized that after becoming a nurse, I really needed to be busy (when required la..). I can't just sit down for 12 hours doing nothing..... I'll go out of my mind!

And the worst part was, I asked my 3 other nursing friends to accompany me! Poor them... I really feel sorry for making them wake up so early in the morning and going up to a stadium halfway around Penang to do NOTHING!! Everyone was so tired, they dropped dead in my car on the way home...

So, again. How can nothing be so tiring????
Sigh.....

Living in Memories

My friend recently confided that she has been living in her memories. As in she kept thinking of the past and being sad over those things that had hurt her back then. Then of course, she felt guilty. Guilty towards her present life, where she has been given so much happiness and love. (This sounds really more philosophical in Mandarin.... sorry).

I look at my life and find myself doing that too. I sometimes go over the memories and find myself smiling or tearing up at what had happened or what should have happened and hadn't. Crying over spilt milk is useless, I know.

Oh it really isn't so horrible as crying over spilt milk. My life is pretty much smooth sailing up to now, and I definitely want it to go on being so! I'm no ungrateful $&*#&$@! LOL!

Yaargh!!! There are so many bugs flying around!! Those that are attracted to the light?! I can't type on being "attacked" by them! YUCK!! Will do this some other time.

GO AWAY!!!!!!!1

It's all one sided

One sided love affairs are actually not that heartbreaking if you look at it on the positive side. On another note, it can't be an affair if it's one sided rite? It takes two to tango, afterall...

Oops.. I was supposed to write something here.. My words all flew out the window! Dang!!

Oh well. Will be back for more some other time...

Koi no ABO

I only know the song is about blood types, as the Japanese are really into this blood-type-determines-your-personality thingy.. But the video makes me ROFL!! Ok, maybe because Ryo is so short and he's in the middle of that disco-hip-shaking move....

Oh.. I'm "tepuk sebelah tangan" again ^_^ But I don't care and will learn not to care. As long as I'm enjoying myself, and besides, I'm not harming anyone. But have to remind myself not to have any expectations. Will do my best! Haha!




Lyrics (can't help myself..)

YOUtachi, Nani gata?

Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO
Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO
Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO

Hey! A
Kichoumen biriーbaー
Hey! B
My pace na banchou
Uranai ja aishou wa batsu
Nantoka naru deshou

Hey! O
Romanticist leader
AB
Tsundere producer
Dare ni demo chousho to tansho
Real de aru deshou

Hot na hip ga ba
Odorou ze
Hit na song ga ba
Moriagare
Sanchi wa kintore smile
Stage ni agare

Koi shitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Unmei ga fever
Shinjitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Kanjin the feeling
Subete wo sarake dashite
Koi wo shiyou yo

Hey! O
Pride wa dare to
Hey! B
Maru de Jekyll Hyde
Uranai ja aishou wa batsu
Nantoka naru deshou

Hey! A
Tereya na bengoshi
AB
Unique na dreamer
Dare ni demo chousho to tansho
Real de aru deshou

Hot na Dutch de ba
Dakiyosete
Rich na lip ga ba
Ubaitai
Niche mo sacchi mo de
Stage ni agare

Koi shitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Unmei wa funky
Kanjiteitai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
kanzen ni falling
Subete wo sarake dashite
Koi wo shiyou yo

Yureru kage mitsumeau futari
Dakiaeba kore ga koi no ABO

Koishitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Unmei ga fever
Shinjitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Kanjin na feeling
Subete wo sarake dashite

Koi shitetai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
Unmei wa funky
Kanjiteitai to iinjanai
Hot hothot
kanzen ni falling
Subete wo sarake dashite
Koi wo shiyou yo

Koi wo shiyou
Koi no ABO

Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO
Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO
Koi wo Koi wo Koi no ABO

(Wahahaha!!!)

Referencing

Oh, just a random note.

I HATE DOING REFERENCES.......

aching healing loving

a friend is drifting further away,
was it something that I did or say?
i raked my mind,
and alas was still blind

what is not meant to be
i guess isn't meant to be
but i still can't find the answer
to what happened between me and her

i shrug it off
pretend i'm not hurt and scoff
but deep inside
heart and mind is a chasm so wide

they say time will heal
and all mysteries revealed
so for now
a finger crossed and a smile
upon my brow
will I continue living

I'M NOT CRAZY!

I'M NOT CRAZY!!!

To those who read my fanfictions, I'm not advocating gay-ness (no offence), and they're just plain fictional. Do not take it seriously!
To Evelyn Tan, kindly do not label them as gay. It's just me fangirling and flailing.. Don't think you'll understand.. But still... :p

God bless me...

Chibi Tomapi - Short and sweet (literally)

Title: Chibi Tomapi - Short and sweet (literally)
Pairings: Tomapi
Note: Toma and Pi when they were chibi and cute. On friendship.
Disclaimer: Purely fiction. Nothing to do with Johnny's.

He dragged his heavy and tired body into the small apartment. It was a really lousy day because everything that could go wrong just went wrong and Toma was really down. He made it to the shower and just sat there, really depressed, and annoyed at himself. Funnily, the hostel was really quiet. No one seemed to be home, though somewhere he heard someone snoring. Today he wasn't the funny, cheerful Toma that everyone loved. He was just tried, and plain crappy.

So when Yamapi burst into his room later on, brimming energy and radiating like a sun, Toma nearly snapped at him, though it took all of his will-power not to.

"I'm tired Pi" Toma sighed. He couldn't sleep and his mind kept replaying the day's events, like a broken record. How cruel can life get, Toma mused.

Pi, having sensed Toma's brooding mood, immediately wiped away the silly grin on his face, and gingerly walked over to Toma's bed.

"Is everything ok?"

Toma grunted in response.

Silence.

Pi understood, and gently climbed into Toma's bed.

"Ne... You can lean on me, you know," Pi said out loud to the big lump of body beneath the covers that belonged to Toma.

Silence still.

Pi took a deep breath and continued. "You always act so strong and carefree. But if you get tired, you can lean on me."
Pi stared intently at the lump on the bed. Taking his silence as permission to go on, Pi gathered courage and removed the layers of linen covering his best friend. There, curled up with his knees to his chest, was a spiritless person in need of warmth and love.

Pi leaned down and looked Toma in the eye. Eyes filled with dejectedness looked back. Yamapi lay down on his side and held Toma tightly. He cradled the older one in his thin, 13 year old arms.

"You don't have to be strong everytime. It's okay to be weak sometime. I'll be strong for us both. You can lean on me... Anytime."

After some time, small Toma gave a soft nod in response. He finally fell asleep in the secure arms of a good and loved friend.

Toma's Valentine's Date

Title: Toma's Valentine's Date
Pairings: Tomapi
Disclaimer: Fiction only, and I don't own Johnny's, although I wish I owned Ryo, Toma and Kei-chan ^___^

A pair of stone-washed jeans flew through the air. Followed by 3 more shirts and a pair of black long pants with studs embedded onto it. Half the clothes in the young man's closet were now lying all over the place, covering the floor and occupying half the bed. And still he could not find anything to wear. It was getting frustrating! And only 3 more days to go before the big day arrives! He let out a sigh and sat precariously on the edge of the bed, surveying the mess he had created. A sigh escapes his soft lips.
“Now I’ll have to clean up this mess.. And still nothing to wear! What am I going to do???” he muttered.

As he was deep in thoughts, a message came through to his handphone. Glad for the distraction, he flipped it open and saw the sender. Eager to read his message, he clicked it excitedly.

3 more days! I’m counting the days, can you believe it?!
This is so not me...
See you then!!♥

“Yaa! Don’t remind me already that it’s 3 days away!” he shouted at the phone. Looking miserable again, he flopped down on his bed, crumpling all his clothes. He played with the ring attached to his necklace, twisting it and talking absently to it, “What will I wear hmm? Maybe I should just wear nothing. Give him a surprise..”
Then he snorted, “Yeah right.. Then everyone will stare at me like I’m some lunatic.”
“Haaiiizzzzzz…………” a sigh escaped again.
“I guess I have to shop.

************************************************

The date 14 on the calendar was decorated with tiny little red hearts. Every time his eyes flicked over to the calendar, his heart made a summersault. He felt energised by the thought of seeing his friend and knowing that they are going on a date together. Now that the day has arrived, he was even more excited. The present was bought and wrapped. His clothes (finally!) were picked out, and now he stood in front of his mirror, getting ready.

He made sure his hair was in all the right places. He scrutinized his handsome face and blew a kiss to his image. He caught sight of his body and a small frown broke the good-looking face.
Hmmm.. If only I had lovely arms like him….
Oh well, I’m not that bad looking too. I should score 4 out of 5!
And so, his mood was good again. He finished dressing, scooped up the gift and left his apartment.

Ikuta Toma was going on a date today.

************************************************

He sashayed into the small café. Scents of freshly baked muffins wafted out to greet him. Freshly brewed coffee was being poured into white little cups with hearts on them. In a little corner, he saw what he wanted to see. Another man with a dark blue beret over his hair. The face was impeccably good looking and the skin flawless. He was leaning against a cushioned chair, flipping through magazines. He had not noticed Toma. Toma walked over.

“Is this place taken?”

The other man looked up at the voice. His eyes widened with surprise, but a welcoming smile quickly graced his face.

“Toma!”

The younger man stood up to embrace his friend. He was so glad that they could take time out to meet here despite their busy schedule. But Valentine’s Day was a day where nothing else mattered, except your loved ones. And Yamapi was not going to let his Toma spend Valentine’s Day alone again, like the years before. This year, they will celebrate it together.

“You are on time” Pi greeted Toma.
“Nah..You’re the one who’s early. What time did you reach? I thought you slept late last night?”
“I had to wake up early for today, didn’t I? Besides, I was too excited to sleep anyway.” Pi smiled shyly at Toma. He continued, “So..where are we going today? You said it would be fun.”
“It will be fun. The day is planned out, so shall we start?” Toma held his hand out to Pi.
Yamashita nodded and gave Toma his hand. Both left the shop and started their anticipated day together under a bright blue sky.

************************************************

The beach was their first stop. Not many people were here, so they walked hand in hand, chasing waves and digging for shells. Like kids they were, running around and playing. Leaving behind their alter egos and worries and frolicking in the sun. Toma chased after a crab and Pi yelled at him for being silly (because the crab started running in Pi’s direction). Then the angry crab started running after Pi, to which Toma hooted with laughter because Pi was now trying to get away from it.

Even the sun seemed to be laughing at them, for he shone his rays merrily on the two golden boys who seemed oblivious to the world around them. They went for a swim and challenged each other to a race (which Yamapi won easily because Toma got distracted by a seagull..). They spent almost 3 hours on the beach before giving in to their hungry stomachs. Both men decided to eat at a nearby sushi restaurant. Toma ordered most of the food while Pi ate up almost everything. Which brought a smile to Toma’s lips.

************************************************
After filling their stomachs, they went for a short trip in their car. Talking and feeling the wind in their hair. With Toma driving, Pi blared the music and held Toma’s hand all the way. They shared a quick kiss and laughed about it. Yamashita saw the present Toma was supposed to give him and grabbed it from the back seat. Before Toma could even blink, Pi had already torn the wrapping paper and was gleefully unwrapping the gift. Oh yes, Toma protested, but it was too late. So he resorted to hitting the younger man on the arm (as gentle as possible of course….).

Toma had presented him another ring. However, this ring was much nicer. On the top, it was carved ‘Pi’, but on the inner part of the ring, it was skilfully carved ‘Toma♥Pi’. Yamashita immediately slipped his new ring on and wore a silly grin on his face for the rest of the day. And so it was that the day wore on. They found a Ferris wheel and both wanted to ride on it. So they did. They went shopping in a flea market and got identical bracelets each.

As dusk came, Toma brought Pi to their last destination of the day. They came to Johnny’s Studios in Tokyo. As Toma parked his car, Yamashita turned and looked at Toma. Confusion and curiosity etched onto his face.

“Why are we here?” he gestured at the building.
Turning to look at his beloved, Toma smiled and answered in a husky voice, “Trust me, you’ll like this.”

Getting out of the car, he pulled Yamashita along with him. The building was nearly empty, save for some staffs that had to finish up their work. They went in through the back door. Toma knew the building like the back of his hand. How many times had he roamed these corridors during his free time. He had grown here, along with Tomohisa and other friends. The building had watched them grow. He took the elevator to the 3rd floor and found the second door on the right.

“Toma” Pi whispered.
“It’s all right. No one will see us. And even if someone catches us, we can say we were just practicing.” He comforted the younger man.
Yamapi became even more confused, “Practicing??...”
“You’ll see”, Toma answered.

Both men stepped silently into the spacious studio. They could see their reflection on the mirror facing them. Toma’s eyes wide with excitement and Pi getting excited from curiosity. Toma walked over to the CD player, slipped in a disc, and walked towards Pi, remote control in hand.

“Do you remember Yokubou no Rain?”

Pi getting even more confused, “Yokubou no Rain?” he asked. “The Kinki Kids song?”
Toma took a step nearer to him, “Yes, the song. But, do you remember the steps to which we danced and sang to?”
“Tomo-chan, this is our stage now. All eyes are on us. We wanted to do more things together, so here we are now.”
Toma now stood behind Yamapi. Both their eyes met on the mirror. And a slow nod came from Pi.
“How can I ever forget? But I’m not an excellent dancer like you, so, can we practice the steps one more time?”
Toma nodded his head and grinned, “Sure! Yosh, let’s do this!”

And so they went through the steps one more time. Toma guiding the younger one on and off. Each reliving the moment of the past where they performed this song together. Each singing the part they were assigned to. Singing a song about unrequited love, pain, and loneliness. And when they finally got it right, Toma pressed the play button once again. So they danced, twirled, and moved along with the music. All moves correct and perfect this time. A happy moment for them both as they danced and sang for their audience in their minds. Performing together once again.

The song ended and they stopped. Sweat made the air now musty and damp. But yet they were not tired. Instead both men were surprisingly energetic. They caught each other’s eyes and broke out into laughter. Raucous peals of laughter, just like when they were young. They sat by the window and looked at the night view of the city. Lights everywhere made Tokyo beautiful. Soft shimmering lights and the sounds of cars honking brought the city to life.

Yamapi rested his head on Toma’s shoulders and hummed softly. He knows tomorrow will bring distance to them again with filming and rehearsals. So for now, he just wants Toma’s presence to calm him and renew him. How many times have he clung to Toma in times of need. He always has and will continue to do so. And Toma relishes his role as a mountain of strength in Pi’s life. To keep him secure and to help him always.

Toma lay his head down to the floor and closed his eyes. He had the best Valentine’s Day ever today and he wanted to keep every memory with him. As he smiled, Pi closed his lips down on the other man. Instinctively, Toma kissed back. It always ended with a kiss. It has to, doesn’t it?

Reunion Dinner, Johnny style!

Title: Reunion Dinner, Johnny Style
Pairings: Tomapi, and everyone who is together in Johnny. Big happy family!Summary: Reunion dinner with everyone. And some Tomapi love ^__^

"YOHHH!!!"
"So much food!"
"SUGOI!!!!!!"

Toma stares open mouthed at the food on the table. His eyes doesn't know where to stop, his hands doesn't know where to start.

It was a reunion dinner of sorts. Most of the Johnny boys he had grew up with were here. Senpais and kouhais all interacting together and enjoying themselves. And everyone was very loud... In one corner, Kamenashi Kazuya was stuffing prawns into Jin's mouth. Ryo was lauging so hard, he had to hold his stomach. Ueda was glaring at Ryo because he couldn't eat his food and most of all, he wanted to be Ryo's centre of attention...At the head of the table sat Takki, flaunted by Tsubasa on his right and Jimmy Mackey on his left who was talking with his mouth open, spitting food everywhere and not being apologetic. Matsumoto Jun was also there, sitting with other Arashi members. And of course, Yamashita was next to him, angry because Toma was late, as usual..
And currently, Toma was trying hard to ignore those flashing eyes, staring daggers at him. He averted his eyes towards the food that was on the table.

"Yo, Tegoshi! How's the food? I'm hungry!" Toma asked.
Tegoshi stuck a thumb up at Toma and grinned like the werecat from Alice in Wonderland.

And Yamapi had it. He grabbed Toma, and yanked his hands to make him sit.
"Don't IGNORE me!", Yamapi's chopsticks pointing at Toma. Ignoring Tegoshi's astonished looks, he ranted on, " I haven't seen you for so long, and now you're deliberately ignoring me? I am not taking that! You are an idiot, you know? Idiot!"

The table fell silent. Toma could feel all eyes on them as Pi's words rang out loud and clear. Even the waitress raised an eyebrow.

Oh-oh.. I better calm the tempest before the storm breaks.. Toma thought to himself.

And with that, Toma put on his best pout and biggest set of puppy eyes. Yosh, I'll give it my all..
"Pii... Don't be angry please? Ne??" *puppy eyes again*
"I was just teasing you...." *bigger puppy eyes and exaggerated pout this time*
"Gome-na-sai, Pi-chan" Toma said with a singsong voice and tugged at Yamashita's sleeves.

"Yo, Pi! Come on! Forgive your lover and all will be well" Tsubasa yelled and received a kiss from Takki-kun. "I can't eat with Toma acting all so mushy over there. It's so distracting!" and Takki mimics Toma's pouting face.

"Piiiii...." Toma adds, biting his lips this time for extra effect while giving him the I'm-so-cute-you-cannot-ignore-me-forever-look.
Yamapi's inner desire to torment Toma breaks at that look. He gives in and grunts, not wanting Toma to know that he has him around his finger.
I'm going soft over this guy.. Oh Lord... Yamapi lords in his head.

He grabs a fried broccoli and puts it on Toma's plate and pouts.
Toma throws his hands up in the air, gives a shout of delight, flashes the victory sign, and ruffles Yamashita's hair and hugging him at the same time.

The crowd goes wild again and everyone lapses back into a cheerful mood. Knowing that no one will notice, Toma plants a quick kiss on Yamapi's cheeks, and wriggles down to be next to him.

Yamashita Tomohisa cannot help, but smile at that.