Times like these..

My patient passed away yesterday. No pain, no blood, no struggles. Just died peacefully and finally released from his suffering. No longer has he got to feel the pain of the daily dressings to his multiple ulcers, no longer has he got to endure the pricks from setting IV lines every 3-4 days. It was sad, but having witnessed so many deaths, I'm sad (and sorry) to say that I don't really feel sad. I empathize, yes, but do we cry? I guess I can't.

But this is not what I have come to write about today. It just struck me that not many of us will have the chance to see a person die in front of us. Literally. Not dropping dead dramatically, but slowly decrease in breathing, blood pressure falling slowly, not responding anymore, and closing the eyes, and then the heart just stops. No more beating, no more pumping.

If you have, then you will realize that you can sense when the person is leaving. I can't explain it. You just know that something is amiss. Perhaps it's the colour of the patient or his lack of responsiveness (but how about comatose people?), but you just know it when you've been with the person long enough. You will know when it's time. Yesterday when I clocked in for duty, the night nurses said that it wasn't time yet, even though his blood pressure dropped to 60-some. We just now that the patient is not going to pass away yet.
But around 1pm yesterday, even though the Oxygen level in his body was only 85% (the normal is supposed to be >90%), I think I sensed something.

That he was ready to leave.

You may find it stupid that I think it is a great.. I forgot the word....
How do you say it? I think it is a great "chance/opportunity" (whatever word is supposed to go here..) to be able to send people off. Put it simply, I think not many people will have the chance to help a patient die. And I'm thankful for the moments I can spend with the deceased. It is really humbling to watch a patient die. To know that his/her journey this life has ended and now they are ready for a great adventure somewhere else (to quote Dumbledore..), and to know that a greater force than we ourselves exist, and is in power (regaredless of what religion you believe in).

I'm not depressed, just humbled and thankful for the moments I have right now. It is indeed true when they say "Live the Moment". Live "now" we'll all have a great journey in life. Thank you Lord, for that dying patient has touched my life.